The Ace Up Your Sleeve

There are a lot of letters that comprise the LGBTQIA+ acronym. If one gets far enough in, one of those letters is “A.” Most people assume it stands for “ally.” It’s a good guess, but ultimately incorrect. Instead, the “A” stands for “asexual.”

Asexuality, like other queer sexualities, is a spectrum all on its own. However, unlike other queer sexualities, it’s not spoken about as often. Whether it’s due to a lack of knowledge or never having heard of it at all, asexuality and people on the asexual and aromantic spectrums deserve the same understanding.

According to a definition provided by the Human Rights Campaign, asexuality is “a complete or partial lack of sexual attraction or lack of interest in sexual activity with others.” Aromanticism is essential the same thing except the person has a complete or partial lack of romantic attraction or interest in romantic relationships with other people.

Lacking complete sexual and/or romantic attraction is fairly uncomplicated, but what does the “partial” portion of these definitions mean? Having partial romantic or sexual attraction means that sexual or romantic attraction to another person can occur within very specific circumstances. There are different labels for these people depending on the circumstances.

Personal attitudes toward sex in itself also vary among asexual people. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network highlights the three categories asexual people can fall into: sex-favorable, sex-indifferent and sex-averse.

Like other sexualities under the LGBTQ+ spectrum, most asexual and aromantic people realize they’re ace from a young age. Seth Seibert, a sophomore majoring in English, said he always knew this about himself but was only given the terminology to label it at 20 years old. Now Seibert describes himself as being completely asexual and grayromantic (grayromanticism is feeling little to no romantic attraction to people unless under very specific circumstances).

“I’m not repulsed,” Seibert said. “I’ve just never looked at someone in a sexually attractive way.”

Arian Solano, a junior studying biomedicine, expressed a similar sentiment.

“I see myself sexually attracted every now and then, but the urge to chase it any further…is null,” Solano said. “I just don’t have that drive or spark in me that wants it to be anything more romantic-wise.”

Discrimination against LGBTQ+ people is unfortunately still common. This discrimination also occurs with asexual and aromantic people but takes a different form.

Seibert mentioned he’s had many people tell him they could “fix him” or that sexual intimacy is the basis of any relationship. He also noted he’s been referred to therapists before just by mentioning his asexuality.

“It makes you think ‘what’s broken about me?’” Seibert said.

Like many non-heterosexual orientations, asexuality was once—and sometimes still is—treated as a mental illness. Asexuality only officially stopped being considered a mental illness by psychological professionals in 2013 with the publication of the fifth version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

“... People who don’t understand it try to make sense of it in a way only they know, but that tends to put us in boxes,” Solano said.

Despite being the “A” in LGBTQIA+, it’s much less common to hear asexuality or aromanticism talked about in queer spaces. Solano and Seibert chalked it up to lack of understanding when asked for their thoughts on it.

Solano mentioned that he thought talks about asexuality and aromanticism had increased since the COVID-19 pandemic. While some understanding has been had, though, true understanding remains elusive.

“People seem more confused about it, and end up with more questions rather than answers, and I feel like that creates a stigma. More people than you think consider being aro/ace as something temporary, something that someone may struggle with if they can’t seem to figure out a label just yet,” Solano said.

In contrast, Seibert expressed that, while there was some improvement in queer discussions on asexuality and aromanticism, he doesn’t think much progress has been made. The fact that it has more recognition is good, but some still dismiss its existence.

Seibert related the struggle for others to understand asexuality to the struggles the transgender community faces: because they don’t personally experience it, that means it’s not real. Sometimes it’s easier to pretend these variations don’t exist rather than deal with reality. “The fact that it [asexuality and transgender people] exists will shake up their ideas of what it means to be human and how they navigate the world,” he said.

There’s a lot of talk about how most don’t understand asexuality and aromanticism. This begs the question: where should someone who isn’t asexual or aromantic begin? What can be done to support asexual and aromantic people?

For Solano, he reiterated the fact that asexuality and aromanticism are indeed spectrums. “...What I really, really wish people understood, is the fact that it is a spectrum…. I feel like, if people entertain both romantic and sexual spectrums, a lot of relationships could flourish from it.”

When asked what he wished people understood about asexuality, Seibert’s answer was simple.

“It doesn’t make us less human,” Seibert said.

Seibert cited many media depictions of asexual and/or aromantic people that often stereotype them as robotic, antisocial or emotionless. It’s not uncommon for asexual or aromantic characters to be portrayed as villains. “We still have emotions. Our priorities are [just] different.”